Needless Anime Episodes
Who Killed Bob?
The story of a man named Bob.
To tell you about Bob, will upset you. Someone killed Bob, figuratively, not literally, but make no mistake about Bob, he is dead, and he will now live on in memory and his death will help change the face of recovery in the state in which he died, Mississippi.
I met Bob in a meeting formed to support a group of men and women that were introduced to the tools developed by Recovery 2-Day (R2D). They, the clients, were introduced to R2D in an inpatient treatment facility by a brave therapist; he risked his job, to introduce tools that worked, instead of beating them up with traditional “treatment” mentalities of “I need to break you to make you.” If anyone disagrees with “current” methods, the client is convicted on the spot of “being in denial.”
Naturally, R2D was a success; the first thing it introduced was self respect and because it was “different” it naturally created a curiosity in some and animosity in others. After a few dozen were shown R2D, there became a problem, the clients wanted a place to discuss R2D in more detail, and learn more. Parents, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, and partners were also curious. What is this thing that their loved one seems to be happy with? I am not sure what attracted them more, their loved one getting better or being able to participate and learn the same tools as their loved one was using. Needless to say, it was a breath of fresh air.
Self respect is a topic not often talked about, for Bob it was critical. Bob had been told for most of his life he could not “get better.” Bob suffered from substance dependence and co-occurring disorders. Bob was manic. Mania is something that lasts at least a week and that occurs each day for that week. Bob had psychotic episodes, which are either delusions or hallucinations. Bob had depression which can be a described as the loss of interest or pleasure, which can lead to severe depression. What is severe? A disorder that lasts two years is the criterion of severe, Bob and one of the true cases of bi-polar disorder. All of these “symptoms” are mental disorders that can and often “co exist” or be brought on by substance misuse, abuse or substance dependence, and substance abuse, misuse, or dependence can be “used” as a person’s attempt at self “treatment” called “self medicating.” Bob could not turn off the voices in his head, but he tried with every chemical and liquid that the street could supply. Bob’s mania had to be treated by proper diagnosis and medically supervised prescriptions. One of the problems of treating maniacs is keeping them engaged in a positive way to take their prescribed medicine, most “enjoy” their mania.
One of Bob’s problems were his mental disorders, were rarely addressed, however his substance problem brought a lot of attention. “Bob, you should quit!” and in jails, state mental hospitals, rehabs, or prisons, Bob was able to.
One day a brave therapist asked Bob, “Bob, do you want to get well?” and Bob cried. Since the last one told Bob, “Bob, the only way you will fit in society is to live the rest of your life in a cage.” Bob was treated like an animal. Bob loved the idea of “wellness; no one had given Bob permission to get well before. Bob had been sentenced to programs. Bob, due to his mental disorders, was “different.” He was substance dependent, and needed help, but only treating his drug problem, or alcohol problem, never worked. His history showed that after fifteen “treatment centers” and thousands of “going to meetings” Bob, was treated as loser, the “fellowship” rejected Bob, Bob was one of those “chronic relapses” Bob was not a “winner” and Bob, was often spoken about, “Some are sicker than others” the weapon of choice for the ego of a program that cannot help a Bob. Who Killed Bob? Words killed Bob. Words spoken off the lips of those those were not like Bob. Bob did not live in the middle class, Bob did not live in the upper class, Bob, was in his “own class,” alone.
I wish you could have been with us when we took Bob out to lunch one day. Something that most take for granted, Bob was invited, it was like watching a child on Christmas morning with a gift so special they cannot breathe. With table manners rarely exercised, he was a joy. I had the privilege to see Bob at his absolute best. We shared a moment, over fried pickles and ranch dressing, that had I known Bob was only with us a short while, needed to be videoed to seal the moment for histories sake.
Due to “pressure” a group was started, an R2D meeting. The first problem faced by R2D was “what does a meeting or R2D do, or “look like” “why meet?” It seemed like since people for decades have been “trained” to “go to meetings” it was a problem, R2D was not built for “meetings” it was created to teach tools used to get well with. It was funny actually, the question of “format?” We knew what we did not want to be, but had really no idea what a “meeting” would do, should we sit around and tell war stories? No. Should we read long passages or swap history snippets about “the good old days,” or quote books, and hand out chips? No. So we knew what we did not want to do, the problem was, what would actually promote wellness? We knew we did not want to “promote” memberships, we knew we did not want to divide the group by substances, we knew we did not want punish anyone for using a substance, so we did not track time. And we knew we did not preach, pray or dishonor those that did pray and treat personal faith with the respect it deserves. We knew we did not want the stigma of name calling, if a person were to introduce themselves; they would do so by name, not what they used to be. The pressure was created by the people that had been shown the tools of R2D; I personally am not a “meeting creator” and certainly not a meeting “maker” as in promoting “attendance” of “going to meetings.” I view “meeting attendance” as a voluntary action, not a mandatory requirement. That being said, for some “meeting attendance” is mandatory from courts or license requirements, and we knew we did not want to make them feel unwelcome or deemed “unwilling.”
Mutual self help groups, if they actually meet to teach, are good, if they meet simply to have a meeting and talk about themselves, are corrals. I believe in the “take no prisoners” approach to self respect. People get well in degrees, and no one is beyond help. R2D became a “mutual self help group.”
One thing we know about people that reach for “recovery” as a general rule are “lonely” to combat the “loneliness” meetings substitute loneliness for activity, with the chance of meeting someone to deflect the lonely time. Instead of teaching someone how to be okay or develop self esteem, by accomplishing with them “alone”, avoidance can become the message unintentionally. “Don’t treat it” go to a meeting. So the birth of “meeting makers” is most often a way to get out of the house, or kill time.
That gave R2D the lesson of not having meetings to attend, on a “daily basis.” R2D taught people to rebuild their lives, not avoid it by attending meetings. But to avoid the Freudian slip of “hour” sessions, the “hour” meeting was Freud’s creation. Freud the father of modern day psychology, was faced with a dilemma, one day he had eight patients, and needed to see each, he formulated the “one patient, per hour” therapy session. It made sense, in an eight hour work day; give one hour to each patient.
The hour sessions “meetings” have Freud to thank for the idea. However most cannot even relax in an hour, so R2D developed the three hour meeting. R2D supplied a come when you want, leave when you want, without penalty of being late, or leaving early, it allowed for schedules to be kept. It was based on real life being met, kindly. And since there was no “opening or closing” it was casual, we avoided the stress of attendance. People liked the freedom and respect they received. It was funny to watch dogmatism, when someone visited from “other fellowships” they were upset over the freedom of no structure; we had to deprogram a lot of needless habits. And we had to teach, that life was more important than attending “our meeting.” Of course the animosity it created for the “other meetings in town” was felt. Bob who attended “those” meetings, on a regular basis lived in constant threat and attack. Sadly from “members” of those fellowships that had never attended, read, or learned R2D. Who Killed loser Bob?
Killing time, however is important and needs to be addressed, since when a person is separated from the substance they misused, abused or became dependent upon they find themselves with hours that were once consumed by substance use, or finding the substance to use. Boredom can create a lapse or relapse result. But prisons work equally well, if “keeping you off the street” is the intent. Simply sitting in a room of “me too” is not treating loneliness. It is simply avoiding it for an hour, but for some it was a start and not to be rejected, but corrected.
I am however a full supporter of “doing something positive” that helps; I define that as “tools.” I also support “meetings” that help, not meetings that meet, simply to meet.
In another document, I said there are “no meetings” of R2D, which is still true. And I will explain that as one of the reasons, Bob is dead.
What was this “meeting” like? It had structure without any structure. It started at 6:00 pm and ended at 9:00 pm. typically it started when people wanted it to start, so sometimes 6:10, 6:15, or 6:30, and ended when people were finished, typically 8:30 to 9:30 or later. It varied from each Monday, it met once a week.
No one introduced themselves by “substance”; substance(s) was rarely discussed. Tools were taught in each meeting. One or two tools per meeting were the structure.
For example R2D teaches something called “Short-Listing” in both the South Pass tool set, and the North Pass tool set. The South Pass Edition, (book) is for anyone that wanted to incorporate “their” faith, as part of their tool set. The North Pass Edition is for anyone that does not want to or does not believe in a deity, such as God, gods, Goddess, or all things “spiritual”.
We can do this because of medical evidence; substance “dependence” is now officially a disease, proven by Neuroscience. That means we no longer have to treat dependence as a moral issue, it can now take its place among all diseases and to be treated seriously and not mystically. That being said, many people enjoy their faith and rightfully so, they want to rely “in” their beliefs. So the South Pass of R2D respects that decision and teaches how to embrace personal faith, and cognition, thought. R2D has gone where none have gone before; it wraps Cognitive Behavioral Tools to faith traditions.
Bob was a devout Christian, while he was doing well, Bob joined the church where R2D met, he was taking his prescribed medications to treat his mania, he loved telling people “I am in recovery 2 day” and “I am well.”
On an equally valid basis, now the Atheist or science minded can belong without the need to convert to a belief they do not want, need or care to hear about. The Disease of dependence, actually allows “choice” which was not available prior to the evidence based research of brain disease discovered only in the past ten to fifteen years. Brain damage caused by long term exposure to toxins that created dysregulation of the neurotransmitters. Physical damage, evidence by PET/MRI scans, causing the “owners” brain to function “irregularly.” “Brain science” is going to advance treatment into many new treatments, the more the better, since the recovery rates in our “traditional” methods is not meeting the needs of many. Only the vain narcissist, can think the recovery industry system, needs no change.
Why is it so important to mention the agnostic or atheist? Ask Justin, a young man tortured as a child and kept in the basement, who spent most of his young life physically tortured and sexually abused, was a devout atheist, his years of torture, created a slew of mental disorders, to cope with his mental disorders, he tried for years to escape by using substances, Justin was not “alcoholic” and Justin was not a drug addict. He used anything he could to escape the reality of his life. His last suicide attempt landed him, under the care of that brave therapist that introduced him to tools in R2D, since it had secular tools the North Pass Edition of R2D. Justin found tools that respected him and his beliefs. He was so intelligent, and very tolerant of his “religious” counter parts. Justin often led the meditation practices, since he used them, daily he was a natural leader.
So, how did Bob die? His skeleton was found near a sidewalk, he had disappeared in July, and his body was found December 29th, 2010.
What happened to the meeting of R2D? It was shut down. Why? The clinical director of the treatment facility where that therapist worked was 100% against R2D. “It was not the steps and we only teach the steps” if any person in that center, mentioned R2D, they were “kicked out.” The therapist had to sign a document, that he would not mention or teach anything “R2D” and failure to do so meant termination. Clients, including Bob, were told they would be kicked out. Bob lived in the “aftercare” portion that provided his meals and housing.
The “clients” were pressured into never being allowed to mention R2D, and they had to complete their “treatment” under the rules of the facility.
Bob did lapse, he was kicked out, he disappeared, and Bob’s remains were found. Bob will be cremated, his remains driven home, to his mother, and surviving thirteen year old son in Texas for a funeral service
About the Author
Learn it in a day, practice it for a lifetime at www.recovery2day.org
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